First Year of Marriage Challenges

I was having lunch with my friend Melissa, chatting about her job, when the conversation shifted to her new marriage. She and her husband are in that “first-year shuffle” stage—figuring out what it looks like to build a life together. She laughed and said, “It’s like learning a new dance and stepping on each other’s toes a lot at first.” Yep. Been there.

She told me about a moment when someone casually asked how married life was going. She hesitated before answering. Not because things were falling apart—but because they were bumping into unexpected challenges, and she worried the other person might judge them for it.

I’ve spoken with so many newlyweds who wonder if they are facing struggles early on, does it mean something’s wrong. Good news – it doesn’t

Here’s the Truth

Most couples hit a few surprises in that first year, even the solid ones. But hardly anyone talks about it.

We grow up thinking the wedding is the finish line—when really, it’s the starting line of learning how to build a life together. It’s exciting, but let’s be honest—it can also be a little bumpy.

Even if you’ve been together for years, marriage changes things. The first couple of years are full of little (and not-so-little) discoveries about how to live side by side. Everyone brings unspoken expectations into marriage—usually shaped by how they were raised. And surprise! Your partner probably has a totally different set of expectations.

Who cleans the bathroom? Pays the bills? Mows the lawn? Grocery shops? How do you handle in-laws? Are you both expecting to eat dinner together every night? If so, who does the cooking? Do you go to bed at the same time? And what happens when you fight (because you will)?

These typically aren’t make-or-break issues, but they do trip couples up when they don’t talk about them openly.

So, if you’re navigating those early years of marriage—or love someone who is—here are a few things to remember that can smooth out the bumps and help you do marriage well on the daily:

You’re a Team

Before marriage, it was just you. Now, you’re figuring out how to do life with another person, and even when you love them deeply, that can be challenging. It’s not just about your needs anymore—it’s about ours. Real connection takes patience, communication and intentionality.

Love Isn’t All You Need

Love is huge, but it doesn’t automatically mean you’ll agree on everything. In fact, research shows most couples argue over the same things: money, sex, kids, in-laws, and how you spend your time. What matters is how you manage those disagreements—not avoid them. Healthy conflict can actually bring you closer and build intimacy in your marriage.

There’s No Such Thing as a Challenge-Free Marriage

Even couples married for decades will tell you—it wasn’t always smooth sailing. And, the hard seasons often ended up being the most growth-filled for them as a couple. You’re building something new together, and that takes time. It’s okay to rework your “blueprint” as you go.

Believe the Best  

In the early days of dating, it’s easy to assume the best intentions of the one you love. But over time it gets harder. Try to remember: your spouse probably isn’t trying to annoy or hurt you. More often than not, they’re doing the best they can. Give grace. Ask questions before jumping to conclusions.

Learn the skills

Marriage takes skills—just like parenting, leadership, or your career. And most of us didn’t get a how-to guide. Communicating about your needs and emotions (especially when you’re upset) doesn’t come naturally to everyone. But the good news? You can learn. Tools like Created for Connection: 7 Conversations for a Lifetime of Love can help. Check out the Resource Page on our site for more resources.

Marriage isn’t about getting everything “right.” It’s about growing together through the highs, lows, and in-betweens. If you’re in your first year and it feels harder than you expected, you’re not alone. That doesn’t mean your marriage is broken—it means you’re human.

So breathe. Talk. Laugh. Learn. And keep dancing—even if you step on each other’s toes now and then.