When Jay and I were newly married, I hated leaving him in the mornings. I looked forward to seeing him at the end of every day. Just knowing we’d have that time together made me smile. Being with him felt easy and good—like we were totally in sync.

Fast forward a decade (or two), and life got a lot more crowded—raising our daughter, work deadlines, church stuff, community events, and let’s not forget the endless scrolling to keep up with everything and everyone. None of these things are bad on their own, but over time, they quietly chipped away at the connection we used to feel so effortlessly.

I started asking myself: How do you stay close to the one you love when life just keeps getting busier?

What I’ve learned is this: Protecting your marriage connection is one of the most powerful things you can do to have a strong, thriving marriage.

Four Daily Touch Points

Dr. Linda Duncan, a counselor and professor, studied something she called “natural transition times” in marriage. Basically, she found that there are four key moments every day when couples have a natural opportunity to connect:

• When you wake up

• When you leave for the day

• When you come back together

• When you go to bed

How you show up for each other in those moments can either strengthen your bond—or slowly wear it down. For example, for busy couples, communication can easily become transactional unless you’re intentional.

If mornings are grumpy and rushed, that energy carries into the rest of the day. If you don’t say a real goodbye when you leave, or barely look up when your partner walks through the door later, it adds up. These small moments matter more than we think.

We had a golden retriever who adored Jay. Every single day when he got home, she lost her mind with excitement. One day I said, “If she could talk, she’d be like, ‘I love you, man—let’s go play!’” Jay laughed and said, “I like it!” And honestly, so did I. That little moment stuck with me. I thought: Why shouldn’t we greet each other with that same kind of joy and intention?

Because here’s the truth—we don’t get to assume we’ll always have another chance to reconnect at the end of the day. Nothing is guaranteed. And I don’t want to take that for granted.

Even bedtime matters. Jay and I don’t go to bed at the same time (I need way more sleep than he does), but we still try to make that moment count—whether it’s praying together, sharing a few thoughts about our day, or just saying a sweet goodnight.

In a world that’s constantly pulling our attention in a thousand directions, it’s so easy to assume things are fine—until they’re not.

Protecting your connection is one of the most powerful things you can do for your marriage.

These simple marriage habits help us stay close even in chaotic seasons:

• Evening walks. We started this when our daughter was born and it’s become a favorite routine—30 minutes to talk, walk, and reconnect.

   

• Talking before the day begins. Just checking in, sharing what’s ahead, and maybe planning a thoughtful gesture like a quick text or a call during the day.

   

• Stopping to say hello. When one of us walks in the door, we actually pause and greet each other.

• Praying together at night. It grounds us and helps us end the day on the same page.

   

These moments don’t have to be big—but they do have to be intentional.

How do you and your spouse stay connected?